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Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011




Jerks of the Week for April 18, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Ces' Party

I've known my friend Ces ever since I switched my major at Penn State to sports journalism in 2004. We had two classes together and would usually hang out on weekends. He graduated a year before me, but our homes are an hour apart, so we kept in touch. In fact, he constantly makes the trip from Allentown to Philly to attend the parties I throw every few months.

I, however, had never made the trip up to Allentown prior to last weekend. I've always said that I was busy, but in all honesty, I really don't like leaving my house. That involves walking and driving, and stuff, which is too difficult.

I was free last Saturday though, and it was Ces' 28th birthday, so I decided that it was finally time to visit his house for the first time in seven years.

A couple of days prior to the event, Ces and I had this exchange on Facebook:

Ces: Well, as long as you can come to my party and not find fault with the festivities, that's alright by me!

Me: Dude, if you don't think there's a Jerks of the Week entry coming from your party, then you don't know me very well.

I had a good time at Ces' house. But since I'm a man of my word, here are three jerks from his party:


1. Unwanted Child Picture:

I was on my third beer when I noticed this baby picture of Ces on his refrigerator:



As soon as I saw this, my Jerk of the Week spidey sense tingled. Maybe it's because I was buzzed, but I thought this picture was hilarious. I had the following conversation with everyone at the party:

Me: Look, it's a missing child picture of Ces!

Random Girl: Awwww, what a cute picture!

Me: Forget all that. Look at the phone number, it's not even real.

Random Girl: 10-10-220, I remember that.

Me: Yeah, but if your kid's missing, why would you want someone to dial 10-10-220? At least give them a real phone number. It's almost like they want him to be lost.

As far as I know, Ces was never lost, so his parents' devious plan to abandon their child failed miserably.


2. Energy Waster (Me):

Shortly afterward, Ces finished grilling hamburgers. I was starving, so I quickly inhaled three.

Ten minutes later, I was in a food coma. I was sitting at the table, when I realized that everyone was talking about saving energy or something. One of the people at the table was a hot chick, so I thought it would be a good idea to impress her:

Random Person: I save so much energy blah blah blah.

Random Person: I save so much energy too blah blah blah.

Me: No one wastes more energy than me!

Everyone at the table gave me a dirty look, but I continued bragging:

Me: I keep my office TV on at all times. I keep my downstairs TV on at all times, so if I want to get something out of my refrigerator, I can walk into the room and watch TV without having to grab the remote and turn it on. I have two computers running 24-7. I keep my lights on in every room, even when I leave the house. I have my thermostat set to 74 degrees, even when I leave the house. Oh, and I'm not a big fan of recycling either.

My name is Walter Cherepinsky, and I'm proud to be destroying the environment.


3. Lame Boyfriend:

Despite my energy-wasting tirade, people still spoke to me for the rest of the night - including the hot chick I wanted to impress.

This girl was great to talk to. She's a big football and baseball fan. She even thinks that QB Dog Killer is an overrated scumbag. I gave her my card, and she seemed impressed that I write about football for a living.

I spoke to her for 30-45 minutes straight. The problem? Her boyfriend was also at Ces' party.

Was he jealous that I talked to her non-stop? No. He didn't even know about it because he wasn't in the room. At first, I figured he went to the bathroom, or was talking to someone else in the dining room. I expected him to walk into the kitchen and kick my a** any second. However, the hot chick began complaining about her boyfriend:

Hot Chick: See, I like football and baseball, so I'm friends with more guys than girls. But the ironic thing is that my boyfriend doesn't even like sports.

*** Not that there's anything wrong with that. ***

Me: Wow, really?

Hot Chick: Yeah, he's such a girl. He gets his eyebrows waxed, and whenever I mention something about sports or cars, he just shrugs his shoulders.

*** Not that there's anything wrong with that. ***

Me: That's pretty nuts. Where is he anyway?

Hot Chick: He's sitting in his car.

Me: What? Why?

Hot Chick: He doesn't like social situations.

Me: So he's just avoiding everyone?

Hot Chick: Yeah, he doesn't like to meet people, and he's awkward in social settings.

What the hell is that all about? How can this guy function in regular social settings? I can only imagine Lame Boyfriend at an office party:

Co-Worker: So, Lame Boyfriend, how about them Phillies?

Lame Boyfriend: Oh jeezth! Oh jeezzth! Jeeeztth Chrittthh!! I need to go sit in my car and then get my eyebrows waxxtthh, Jeeeztth Chritthhh!!

On the bright side, Lame Boyfriend is wasting plenty of energy by keeping his car running, so he's cool like me in that way.






JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Angry Black Man

Speaking of lame boyfriends, I met this super-hot chick at my friend Adrienne's party last June. This girl inexplicably was with this thugged-out weirdo who had Jheri curls and eyebrow piercings.

We all sat at the same table. This guy fell asleep during the party, which I thought was pretty weird. As for the girl, I only said one word to her there, but she friended me on Facebook that night. We began talking, and we eventually hung out on several occasions. Unfortunately, my best friend and her best friend had some sort of weird falling out, which I won't get into, so I haven't seen her since October.

However, the girl is still with her boyfriend. I actually wanted to make the guy a Jerk of the Week before - I planned on calling him Jehri Curl Eyebrow Piercing Man - but I didn't have any material beyond the falling asleep part.

As of Monday, that changed. I received a seemingly random Facebook message from an angry black man:



Uh oh. An angry black man is sending me random malicious Facebook messages? I figured it was one of two things:

1. He stole someone's computer and was very confused by the Internet, particularly Facebook, so he fired off a series of heated messages to random people.

2. He was challenging me to a dance contest. I've seen stuff like this happen in the movies. Black guys walk up to white guys, and challenge them to dance contests. Then, the white guys lose, and the black guys say, "You got served."

Like all other white guys, I can't dance. I don't want to be served. Please, anything but that. I'll even teach you how to use the Internet, Angry Black Man!



Ah, I suddenly realized who this was. I was relieved because I wasn't going to get served.

So, this genius figures out that I made "a move" on his girlfriend in August and September, and just decides to message me now? This would be like if the Japanese suddenly decided to wage war on America for dropping a bomb on Hiroshima...

Barack Obama: Japan, why have you declared war on us so suddenly?

Japanese President: Burrs*** I kno bout tha arguement, bout wen tried to make a bomb on Hiroshima awhire ago, stop prayin f***in stupid.

Barack Obama: Dude, that was more than 65 years ago. Both you and I weren't even born yet.

Japanese President: I kno where u rive too so dnt burrs*** me.

Barack Obama: Umm... yeah... the White House. Everyone knows that.

Unlike Japanese President, Angry Black Man does not know where I live. Call me crazy, but I don't think he has a super-sleuth private investigator working for him on retainer.

At any rate, I advised Angry Black Man that it probably wasn't smart to make threats on Facebook, for legal purposes. I mean, why not get my lawyers on retainer and sue him for everything that he has? That's the true American way.



OK, the "arguement" Angry Black Man is referring to is a fight between his girlfriend and my sister. His girlfriend unfriended me on Facebook the previous weekend because she thought I was talking behind her back. A mutual friend of ours later told her that it was only my sister who was saying stuff, so she texted me Monday morning, apologized, and asked her to friend her again on Facebook.

And I just suffered a nosebleed typing that previous paragraph. I'm not one for girly drama, even though I'm an avid viewer of 90210 and Desperate Housewives. Not that there's anything wrong with that.



Stay of the streets? Yes! As I wrote in my previous Jerks of the Week entry, I don't like leaving my house. So, thank you, I will stay off the streets.

Question though: By streets, do you mean small roads, or big streets? What about cul-de-sacs? There's a cul-de-sac nearby where I get my mail. Can I not "stay off" said cul-de-sac? Please?



Talk to her if I don't believe they're threats? I actually already did. Here's a text from her regarding his threats:

"He is such a big baby. He gets mad when I wear that Walter Football shirt too. He isn't going to do anything, and I will def. address this ASAP."

OK, Angry Black Man, when we're discussing my lifespan, let's begin with the history of heart conditions on my dad's side of the family...



This makes no sense. Why is he telling me to "shut the f*** up" if he's the one messaging me and fake threatening me? Let's bring in Japanese President and Barack Obama again.

Japanese President: Shrut the fruck up!

Barack Obama: What? You're the one who called me to declare war.

Japanese President: Shrut the fruck up like I tord you to!

Barack Obama: I don't understand.

Japanese President: We wirr discuss your rife span!



Ah, nothing like messing with a stupid person and giving them a false sense of security that they're smarter than you.

That was fun. I should hit on other hot girls with boyfriends so I can have more conversations like this. I'd try it on the hot chick from Ces' party, but her boyfriend doesn't like interacting with people, so he'd probably sit in his car instead of sending me dumb messages on Facebook.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Another Angry Black Man

I've offended two black people this week. That's well below Daniel Tosh's average, but I still think that's a respectable amount.

I posted my annual NFL Celebrity Mock Draft on Wednesday. The premise, if you're unfamiliar with it, is that I have 32 random celebrities make selections for teams in the NFL Draft. I made fun of Charlie Sheen, Rebecca Black, Barack Obama and other random people, so check it out if you haven't already.

I received some great feedback from it, but just like last year, there was one major douchebag who accused me of being racist. This year, some moron was upset about the exchange between Adrian Peterson and Kunta Kinte that I posted in the Vikings selection.

A bit of a background: Peterson, a running back for the Vikings, recently said that NFL players are treated like "modern day slaves," in light of an impending lockout. Peterson is set to make $10.7 million in 2011.

Peterson's comment was ignorant and stupid, so I wanted to make fun of him in my celebrity mock. Here was what I wrote if you don't feel like clicking the previous link:

Adrian Peterson: Despite what anyone says, the NFL is modern-day slavery. I'm drafting Kunta Kinte, a former slave, so he can confirm this.

Kunta Kinte: Thank you for drafting me. Where do I go to get branded?

Adrian Peterson: Your agent will take care of that for you. Being the No. 12 pick in the NFL Draft, I'm sure you'll get to choose from several brands of products to advertise. All you'll have to do is speak for about 30 seconds in a commercial, and you'll get paid. Easy money.

Kunta Kinte: Paid?

Adrian Peterson: Duh. You're not going to be a spokesman for Pepsi or McDonald's for free.

Kunta Kinte: Well, OK, when the masters ask me whether I want to be castrated or have my right foot cut off, which should I choose?

Adrian Peterson: Don't worry about that either. The Vikings have state-of-the-art doctors and medical facilities at your disposal. If your foot gets cut off, they'll repair it in no time.

Kunta Kinte: And when I have a daughter, will the masters take her away from me and sell her to North Carolina?

Adrian Peterson: North Carolina? That would suck if she were traded to the Panthers. But stay calm. As long as you pay child support, you'll be fine. But considering that you'll be getting a signing bonus of $15 million, that shouldn't be an issue either way.

Kunta Kinte: Wait, so in this modern-day slavery, I get paid for doing commercials, receive terrific medical treatment and earn millions of dollars for playing a game?

Adrian Peterson: Yeah, and if you play well, you get another massive contract. It's a nightmare, isn't it?

Many people liked this - save for one. Some a**hole named Chris E. who sent me the following e-mail:

Pretty offensive son... Way to take one uneducated comment and come off like a jealous racist, who's upset about the millions these guys make... you are a NE fan, which means you may be from the Bean.. The most racist city not in the old slavery belt... Makes sense now... Way to be bro...

Weh? Let's take a look at this guy's inaccuracies:

1. I'm not a NE (New England) fan.

2. I'm not from the Bean (Boston). I live outside of Philadelphia.

3. I don't care how much black players make because I made fun of Drew Brees in a similar fashion later in my celebrity mock. I also mocked owner Jerry Richardson's (a white guy) frugality.

I had the following exchange with this Chris E. idiot:

Me: You can't be serious, Chris?

Chris E: Didn't like it man... And I usually find your website really funny. Like, laugh out loud funny... But Kunta Kinte? Nah bro, I really wish you didn't go there...

Kunta Kinte's a sore subject? Really? I've watched Roots multiple times. LeVar Burton, in my opinion, is a living legend, but I can't talk about Kunta Kinte? How does that make any sense?

Me: The fact that you see that as racist tells me that you are the one who is racist. And with that, you will be a Jerk of the Week.

Chris E: Way to stay classy Walt... I come to you with a serious matter and you think its a joke... You aren't black, so you'll never understand why or how blacks respond to race. Not a lot of epithets for white folk man... Kunta Kinte was a tactless choice, and you're too stubborn to admit it... I just wasted 15 minutes of my life with these emails...

I've come up with three reasons as to why Chris E. might be pissed off:

1. He has a dildo up his anus.

2. Chris E. has never watched Roots and doesn't know that Kunta Kinte is a real character, instead thinking that I used "Kunta Kinte" as an "epithet" for slave.

3. LeVar Burton refused to sign an autograph for Chris E. a few years ago, so mentioning any of Burton's characters, including Geordi La Forge, is a touchy subject.

In that case, I should send Chris E. a replica of Geordi's visor. If I did that, Chris E. would probably slit his wrists or jump off a building, yelling, "Why, LeVar, why!?!?!"

Caused racially related suicides: WalterFootball 1, Daniel Tosh 0.




More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 27, 2014: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 20, 2014: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 29, 2014: Dinners to Go
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014: Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014: All Waiters Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 1, 2014: Little League World Series, Morning Radio Shows
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 25, 2014: Why True Blood Sucks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Oct. 31


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 29


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


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