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Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011




Jerks of the Week for March 21, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Guess What Kid

I'm convinced that if I spent an entire day at my gym, I'd be able to write an entire book on all the jerks I'd encounter. Between the communist soccer players, fat women at the pool and douche bag kids named Melvis, I could easily release a 300-page publication.

I went swimming Wednesday evening. There were no fat women because the pool heater broke. I guess they avoid cold water because it slows them down, and consequently makes hunting large animals and small children more difficult.

Instead, it seemed like there were a thousand kids in the pool. Most of them were taking lessons, but I had a lane to myself, so it wasn't a big deal. Afterward, I was privileged to hear one of the most ridiculous conversations of all time.

As I was changing, a shrill voice echoed from the next aisle. It was from some 8-year-old - I'm going to call him Guess What Kid - who was talking to a friend of his. Or at least he was trying to.

Guess What Kid: Guess what happened at school today?

No answer.

Guess What Kid: Guess what happened at school today?

No answer.

Guess What Kid: Guess what happened at school today?

No answer.

I don't know why his friend didn't answer, but I hope he wasn't thinking too much about the question. I mean, anything could have happened at school. Maybe the pizza was rotten and everyone got food poisoning. Perhaps a kid pooped his pants. And it's entirely possible that one of the hot female teachers had an affair with one of her students. Nice.

The point is, anything could have happened. That's why I hate when people ask dumb-a** questions like this. "Guess who I saw at the mall today?" "Guess what happened when I took the train downtown?" "Guess how many kids the fat woman ate at the pool today?" They're all the same dumb question that no one can possibly know the answer to.

At any rate, Guess What Kid's fourth attempt was more successful:

Guess What Kid: Guess what happened at school today?

Friend: What?

Guess What Kid: Someone punched a teacher in the face with an Xbox!

And I had money on someone pooping their pants. Shows how much I know about this kid's school.

I'm stupid. I should have known that someone punched a teacher in the face with an Xbox. I mean, it happens all the time. In fact, the No. 1 act of violence in schools since 2005 is Xbox assault. Some public schools have added metal detectors. It's only a matter of time before they install Xbox detectors.

Anyway, the conversation continued:

Friend: Someone punched a teacher in the face with an Xbox!?

Guess What Kid: Yeah, but it was by accident.

Oh, OK. That explains it. Xbox-punching accidents happen all the time. If only those stupid teachers didn't get their face so close to all the Xboxes at school. I mean, what are they thinking?

I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, Guess What Kid and his friend were talking about something very weird.

Guess What Kid: Android 20 is real. Android 19 isn't real.

No answer.

Guess What Kid: Android 20 is real. Android 19 isn't real.

Friend: Nah-uh. Android 19 is real and Android 20 isn't real.

Guess What Kid: Android 17 is a boy and Android 18 is a girl.

Friend: I thought Android 17 is a girl and Android 18 was a boy!

Umm... uhh... not that there's anything wrong with that?

I tuned out these two a-hole kids until I was about to leave. I heard Guess What Kid ask his friend another question:

Guess What Kid: Guess what someone said at school today?

No answer.

Guess What Kid: Guess what someone said at school today?

No answer.

Unfortunately, my phone rang, so I didn't get to hear the answer to Guess What Kid's question. I'm guessing someone insulted a teacher with an Xbox.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Dreams and the Fat Black Man

I went back to the gym the following day. I was swimming my usual mile when five fat ladies plopped into the pool at the same time. It caused a massive tidal wave.

Suddenly, tentacles emerged from the five fat women. One fat woman noticed me. She wrapped her tentacles around my body and shoved me into her mouth.

Fortunately, she didn't chew me, so I was able to live in her stomach for two days. I eventually found other "victims," and we staged a breakout. One of the victims was a food scientist. He created broccoli out of thin air. Sensing there was broccoli in her system, the fat woman panicked and vomited all of the contents in her stomach - including all of us.

Oh, and if you couldn't tell, this was a dream I had. Well, not really. It's a fake dream that I just made up.

Are you pissed off that you just read three meaningless paragraphs? I would hope so. Because I'm pissed off too.

I watched Monday's episode of The Event with my parents and sister. The opening sequence of the show was a dream sequence. As this happened, I went on an angry tirade:

"I hate dream sequences. They're stupid. It's lazy writing. Dreams in TV shows don't mean anything."

I was pretty pissed because the same thing happened in the season finale of V. Minor spoilers here, but the Erica, the protagonist, dreamt that Anna, the evil queen alien, was in her bedroom. Anna took out a gun and shot Erica. Erica then woke up from her nightmare. Throughout the rest of the show, there was nothing to indicate that the opening dream sequence held any sort of significance. In fact, Erica barely interacted with Anna throughout the hour.

I really loathe dream sequences. I called it "lazy writing." That's because they're cheap ways to add suspense. Dream sequences seldom advance the story and waste our time because there's no point to them. Plus, they're unrealistic. Real people dream about random things like battling fat women and their tentacles; not confronting their arch nemesis in their bedroom.

Blah. I'm sorry, but I'm pissed right now. It's early Friday morning, and I just came home from McDonald's. I wanted to go there for breakfast - Egg McMuffins, NOM NOM NOM NOM - but I was denied by a fat black man (who looked like a meaner version Stanley from The Office) and his massively obese daughter.

I was just standing in line at 10:50, so I had 10 minutes left until breakfast was over. The only people in front of me were the black guy and his daughter. Unfortunately, it was going to be a while until I could order:

Fat Black Man: I want four cheeseburgas and three large fry.

McDonald's Worker: Sorry sir, lunch isn't for another 20 minutes.

Fat Black Man: That's outrageous. I want four cheeseburgas and three large fry.

McDonald's Worker: But sir, breakfast is being served now.

Fat Black Man: But my daughter need cheeseburgas.

Your daughter "need cheeseburgas?" What your daughter needs is a gym membership, some broccoli and an EKG.

The black man and the McDonald's worker argued for a while. Eventually it was 11, and the black man finally acquired the four "cheeseburgas" for his daughter. When it was my time to order...

Me: I'd like three Egg McMuffins, please.

McDonald's Worker: Sorry sir, breakfast is over.

Me: But I was standing in line for 10 minutes!

McDonald's Worker: I'm sorry sir, but we're serving lunch now.

Me: Are you serious? You argued with that guy for 10 minutes and that prevented me from getting breakfast!

McDonald's Worker: I don't know what to tell you, sir.

Me: But I need Egg McMuffins for my stomach.

Suddenly, I woke up in a cold sweat. Yeah, I dreamt the whole thing. Aside from my craving for Egg McMuffins, none of it was real.

I'm assuming that you're annoyed that I just wasted your time with a dumb dream sequence. Well, now you know how I felt during V.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Dr. Susan Albers

Despite my Egg McMuffin dream, I don't eat at McDonald's often. When I was a kid, I used to get stuff from McDonald's at least once a week. But starting at age 22, I started getting really sick after eating there.

I'll never forget this one time - I ate a few cheeseburgers and large fries, and then played basketball two hours later. Ten minutes into the game, I began sweating profusely. Five minutes after that, I got so nauseous that I nearly collapsed.

I've seldom eaten at McDonald's since, so maybe my body was telling me, "Dude, stop putting this s*** in me." If so, good job, body.

So, what does this have to do with some woman named Dr. Susan Albers? And who is she anyway?

If you search Google images of Dr. Albers, you'll see that she's a somewhat attractive woman. Unfortunately, she's also an evil communist.

Dr. Albers recently wrote an op-ed piece of the Huffington Post. The article is entitled, " 5 Kids' Meals to Avoid at All Cost."

"At all cost?" Jeez, sounds serious. When I saw the title of the article, I assumed she was talking about poisonous tomatoes and razor blades hidden in apples.

Not quite. If you don't feel like clicking the link, here are the five super-duper dangerous meals that shouldn't be fed to your kids:

  1. McDonald's Mighty Kids Meal: Double Cheeseburger, French fries, and chocolate milk.
  2. Wendy's Kids Meal: Chicken Sandwich, French fries and chocolate Frosty.
  3. KFC Kids Meal: Popcorn chicken, potato wedges, string cheese and soda.
  4. A&W Kids Meal: Cheeseburger, French fries and soda.
  5. Burger King's BK Kids: Breakfast muffin sandwich meal.


I hate people like Susan Albers. She and other communist douche bags are all about telling people what they should do and making awesome fun things illegal. Instead of allowing people to make their own decisions, people of Albers' ilk want to create an "ideal" utopia where people eat nothing but broccoli, cauliflower and solidified soy milk. F*** you, and f*** your utopia, Dr. Albers.

Here are some of the points Albers tries to make in her communist article:

Consider the potential impact of this meal and other unhealthy foods on a developing brain. Not to mention that food impacts mood. If your teen is going through a phase as it is, could the foods they eat make their emotional highs and lows just a little worse?

Please take the dilldo out of your a**hole, Susan. When I was a kid, I ate McDonald's, Station Pizza (best pizza and cheesesteaks in Philly), KFC, Burger King, Wendy's and Taco Bell (nachos) all the time. Did all of that awesome food negatively impact my brain? I don't think so. Unless this is all a dream I'm having in a comatose state, I'm neither hooked up to a machine nor drooling uncontrollably. My brain's fine. Or at least I like to think so.

As for mood swings, don't you think that your teenage kids would be happy if you bought them junk food? They're probably moody and angry at you all the time because you make them eat broccoli three times a day.

Use your child's tendency to learn and regurgitate slogans to your advantage. Teach mindful eating from day one. I saw a mom handing her preschool daughter a banana and singing the Chiquita banana song. Her daughter laughed, joined right in the song and happily ate the banana.

I call bulls***. I doubt Susan has anyone who can corroborate this story.

Even if it's true - a big if - bananas aren't that bad. I like bananas. But you know what would have made things much easier for this alleged mother? Dunking the banana in some chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream NOM NOM NOM NOM.

I'm going to submit my own article to the Huffington Post. Here's my version of "5 Kids' Meals to Avoid at All Cost."

5. Dr. Susan Albers Death Meal: Broccoli, cauliflower and solidified soy milk.

Screw you, Susan Albers, and your communist agenda.

4. Dr. Susan Albers Red Army Meal: Unsweetened yogurt and white rice.

I just vomited all over my keyboard.

3. Dr. Susan Albers Socialist Meal: Raspberries.

I blame Susan Albers for Jolly Ranchers getting rid of its lemon flavor and replacing it with blue raspberry. Ugh.

2. Dr. Susan Albers Fascist Dictator Meal: Bok Choy and White Rice.

Bok Choy is Chinese cabbage. BLEHHHHHHH. Regular cabbage is bad enough. Chinese cabbage is a stomach ulcer and Ebola waiting to happen.

1. Dr. Susan Albers Hates America Meal: Everything on this list.

This is probably Albers' home page on her browser. That, or the Chinese government's Web site.

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SinsOfTheFleshGirl 03-21-2011 11:28 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.158 (total posts: 1)
21     20

This will prolly piss you off, at which point you can write about it, but a few years ago they changed the cookie monster, they may have changed him back but he once said cookies are a sometimes snack carrots are an all the time snack. I was like WTF, first I was pissed at family guy cuz I thought his rehab worked, then I was pissed at sesame street(almost wrote a letter but 123 abc street new york new york does not exist)then I was pissed at those ahole parents who wonder why there kids go crazy and do drugs as teenagers cuz then they didnt get their damn cookies, finally was happy cuz more cookies for me nom nom nom
DKM 03-21-2011 09:36 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.26 (total posts: 1)
20     19

Absolutely hate liberals like Dr. Albers. Penn & Teller did one of the "Bulls**t!" shows on those fastfood nazis who want everyone eating vegetables 24/7, it was fantastic. I thoroughly enjoy all of those fast foods and I am nowhere near death. Those commies need to shut up
Jeff 03-21-2011 05:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx1.28 (total posts: 1)
22     19

i lol'd at the dream sequences

Also please don't call her both a fascist and a communist she can be one but not the other
steven lourie 03-21-2011 05:20 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.155 (total posts: 2)
20     19

Oh no! I ate all 5 of those "meals to avoid" while I was a kid. I guess my I should be expecting an imminent death.
JD 03-21-2011 03:45 pm xxx.xxx.xxx1.13 (total posts: 1)
19     22

Maybe if the fat black dude paid attention to Dr. Albers, his daughter wouldn't be eating 4 cheeseburgers at McDonald's!
Wharthog 03-21-2011 12:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.21 (total posts: 1)
22     19

I punched a teacher in the face with my Wii.
Matt 03-21-2011 12:05 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.147 (total posts: 1)
18     17

That kid's friend is stupid, Android 17 is a guy and Android 18 is a girl, and Android 20 is human and Android 19 isn't. Maybe that kid wasn't lying about someone punching a teacher in the face with an XBOX. And all that dipsh*t Albers did was list a kids meal from 5 fast food joints. Brilliant
Jackie 03-21-2011 12:04 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.237 (total posts: 1)
16     17

@Bob

These parents shouldn't be feeding their kids fast food 3 times a day, every day. But eating fast food once in a while isn't bad. I have fast food growing up every week... But not every day. But I also was very active, thanks to my parents and brother. By the time I was in high school I could eat an entire large pizza by myself, and yet maintained a weight of 110 lbs at 5'3". But I kept myself active. And I didn't do that all the time. I ate healthy too.

So fast food is okay in moderation... but it's the parents fault if they're feeding the kid fast food all the time. That's just dumb.
There shouldn't be people like Dr. Albers out there who have to say fast food is bad, it's kind of obvious.
Like I said, it's okay in moderation.

Ridiculous.
nick 03-21-2011 11:35 am xxx.xxx.xxx25.2 (total posts: 1)
16     31

i am a liberal and i eat mcdonalds, not all liberal are tree lovers.
FTW or WTF 03-21-2011 11:24 am xxx.xxx.xxx.208 (total posts: 1)
17     17

swburnordie is absolutely correct
steve 03-21-2011 10:31 am xxx.xxx.xxx.155 (total posts: 2)
17     16

ugh stupid liberals. they want to live forever and not enjoy anything they eat and want to force that same lifestyle on everyone else. you know what, i like eating good food. if i end up living to 80 instead of 90, so be it. who wants to be 90 anyway?
swburnordie 03-21-2011 09:56 am xxx.xxx.xxx.161 (total posts: 1)
18     16

Those kids were talking about Dragonball Z, an anime with about 50 billion hours of filler between 10 minute fights.

Bob 03-21-2011 07:22 am xxx.xxx.xxx5.11 (total posts: 1)
17     16

Ehh, I think you are too hard on food communists.

I know a 3-year old with cholesterol problems. I wish that sentence read, I know a 3-year old with a drinking problem, because her life would be easier.

Her parents need someone to put things in simple terms. To explain to them that a steady diet of chicken mcnuggets and fries gives your daughter high cholesterol.

I mean, is feeding your child crap until they actually get sick really that different from torturing dogs?
Neil 03-21-2011 04:32 am xxx.xxx.xxx0.53 (total posts: 1)
16     16

Amen brotha about Albers....Sheesh!
Walter 03-21-2011 12:17 am xxx.xxx.xxx9.63 (total posts: 1)
16     17

First comment... we're going to have comment boards like this all over the site soon. We're still working out the kinks, so this is not the finished product.



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Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Free Agents - April 17


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 16


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


2014 NBA Mock Draft - March 26


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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