Disclaimer: These are not real interviews. They are purely satire. They were featured weekly in my NFL Power Rankings.
Everyone knows about ties. Well, almost everyone. Donovan McNabb shocked the world when he told the media he wasn't aware you could tie in the NFL. I spoke to McNabb about this.
ME: Donovan, thanks for joining me. I wanted to have you on to clarify something. After your tie against the Bengals, you said you weren't aware that ties were in the rule book. I find that a bit ridiculous. You seem like an intelligent guy. You're the quarterback of an NFL team. You were obviously under the influence of drugs when you told the media you didn't know ties existed, correct?
MCNABB: "No, I've never heard of ties. No one ever told me this, and I've never been part of one, so how could I possibly know about them?"
ME: Umm... because it's common sense? Because 12-year-old football fans know about ties? I refuse to believe NFL players can be either that stupid or ignorant. Actually, I'm just falling for it again. You must still be hallucinating from eating too much Chunky Soup at halftime.
MCNABB: "Halves times? What is this halves times you speak of? I have not heard of this in my life!"
ME: Uhh... you know the 15-minute break you take between the second and third quarters in every game?
MCNABB: "Oh! I thought that was a coin-kee-dink!"
ME: Are you kidding me? Next, you're gonna tell me that you're not aware that receivers need to have two feet inbounds when making a catch.
MCNABB: "Two feets? I never had to make a catch, so I'm not aware of this. I'd like to see what happens once someone in college football puts one feets inbounds! They think it's all one feets!"
ME: Yeah, you're definitely high of Chunky Soup. Get back to me once you're sober.