Disclaimer: These are not real interviews. They are purely satire. They were featured weekly in my NFL Power Rankings.
Hey, Chris Berman isn't the only one who gets to interview the presidential candidates! I've also conducted one-on-one interviews with John McCain and Barack Obama! Let's do these one at a time. Let's go with the incumbent party first.
ME: Hey, Senator McCain, thanks for joining me! It's an honor to be interviewing you and Senator Obama.
MCCAIN: "Hello, my friend. Your my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Will you help me move into the White House when I win? I'm asking you because you're a true friend."
ME: Umm... OK, I guess. So, what do you plan to do for our country?
MCCAIN: "My friend, I know exactly how to end terrorism. I know where Osama bin Laden is, my friend. And if I'm voted into the White House, I will reveal my plan so we can finish off bin Laden and end this ugly war, my friend."
ME: You do? Why haven't you told us this already?
MCCAIN: "Heh? Told you what?"
ME: Uhh... what you just mentioned... about finding bin Laden and ending the war?
MCCAIN: "Heh? Who is bin Laden? Who are you? What am I doing here? Who am I? Is the year 1940 or 1941?"
ME: Are you OK, Senator?
MCCAIN: "In my day, shonny, I used to have to walk in 40 feet of snow, uphill both ways just to vote, my friend!"
ME: But aren't you from Arizona? There was 40 feet of snow in Arizona?
MCCAIN: "Heh? What am I doing here?"
ME: Let's just get you back to your retirement home, Senator.