Disclaimer: These are not real interviews. They are purely satire. They were featured weekly in my NFL Power Rankings.
Boomer Esiason is known as a jerk. But I thought he'd at least behave during an interview. Man, was I wrong...
ME: Hey, Boomer. Thanks for joining me.
ESIASON: "Hey, Walt. Your Web site sucks. Your grammar is poor, and you're not funny at all. Your picks sucked this week, and you're just using the backdoor and injury BS because you suck. It's not a pleasure to be here at all, but here I am."
ME: Umm... OK... uhh... Yeah, I wanted to ask you about your criticism toward Troy Aikman. You trashed him for being biased in the Cowboys-Cardinals game?
ESIASON: "OK, let me explain something. Troy Aikman is the most biased person I know. If he could legally marry Jerry Jones, he would. Aikman is the opposite of my colleague Dan Marino. Marino has no opinion on anything and that's why he's never won a Super Bowl."
ME: His lack of opinion is the reason why he choked in the playoffs?
ESIASON: "Absolutely. Marino has no guts. He's a loser. Worst person on the planet by far."
ME: I wouldn't go that far. He seems like a nice guy to me. Why do you keep trashing people? Do you like anyone?
ESIASON: "I like three people: Me, myself and I. That's it. And now that you've defended Marino, I see that you're the worst person on this planet as well. Congratulations. Your site sucks, and you suck too."
ME: Wow... you're just a mean person.
ESIASON: "I'm done. I'm too important to be here for this long. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my Dan Marino voodoo doll so I can puncture it with more needles."