Disclaimer: These are not real interviews. They are purely satire. They were featured weekly in my NFL Power Rankings.
Charles Davis is a menace. Matt McGuire has always hated Davis, and I never knew why - until the Florida-Oklahoma game on Thursday night.
I found Davis so annoying that I decided to interview him for this Web site!
ME: Hey Charles Davis, thanks for joining me. I think you're the most annoying person who has ever walked the planet, but hopefully my feelings change after this exclusive interview.
DAVIS: "Thanks Walt! This is an interview, you're going to ask me questions and I'm going to answer them."
ME: That's exactly right, but I think my readers already know that.
DAVIS: "Did you see the game on Thursday? Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Florida Gators, he won his second championship in his collegiate career."
ME: Yes he did. How do you think he's going to do in the pros?
DAVIS: "I talked to Urban Meyer, head coach of the Florida Gators, and he said that Tim Tebow is going to be an exceptional quarterback at the next level."
ME: Well, I would have expected Meyer to say that. What do you think?
DAVIS: "I talked to Bob Stoops, head coach of the Oklahoma Sooners, and he said that Tim Tebow is not going to thrive in the NFL. He said he'll have some struggles at the next level."
ME: Huh? Didn't you just cite someone who said Tebow's going to be awesome? Why would you cite a completely different opinion? What do YOU think?
DAVIS: "I talked to a hot dog vendor at the game, a part-time student at the University of Miami, and he told me that Tim Tebow might be good in the NFL, but he doesn't know."
ME: What!? Why are you quoting a hot dog vendor? Just give me your damn opinion!
DAVIS: "I talked to Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Florida Gators, and he said that he doesn't know how Tim Tebow will play at the next level, but he'll continue to work hard."
ME: That's it... That's it! I can't take it anymore. You have no opinion on anything. You just quote other people and state the obvious. Well, here's something obvious from me: You suck. Royally. This interview is over. Adios, Charles Davis!