@Mr. Bitter some other animals I like. Anaconda as "undersized" DE. Ox/Buffalo at "run protection" OL. Chimp as a "pass defending #2" DB for reflexes and the fact they swat stuff normally. Unrealistically a whale as the "veteran" DT. Ferret as a "scatterback" RB. Owl as "zone" Safety. Kangaroo as "redzone" WR/TE.
My Thoughts on the 2015 NFL Draft - Live on Draft Day!
What is this? I'll be posting my thoughts on the 2015 NFL Draft here. That will include everything from the actual picks, to the ESPN personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so, so I hope you join me for the 2015 NFL Draft!
Also, you can discuss the 2015 NFL Draft in the new Draft Day page, or post a comment below. The Draft Day page will have comments from all draft pages, announced picks and the top remaining players available on our Big Board.
1:20: I'm checking in with a couple of props prior to finishing my final 2015 NFL Mock Draft. I wouldn't go crazy with these wagers, but they are the two best ones I saw:
1. Amari Cooper Under 5.5 (-350): This is a lot of juice, but I'll be shocked if Cooper falls past the Jaguars, Raiders and Redskins. He's the consensus top receiver in this class, and all three of those teams could select him.
2. Marcus Mariota Drafted by Titans (+150): The Titans think very highly of Mariota and will take him if a trade isn't done. I think it's 50-50 whether they deal the selection, so +150 provides some decent value.
I'll be back around 7ish tonight to kick off this live draft blog.
7:15: And the Live 2015 NFL Draft Blog is underway! It took a while, but my 2015 NFL Mock Draft is complete. Check it out if you haven't already. I have La'el Collins falling to Round 4.
7:16: Chris Berman is interviewing Roger Goodell. I wish Berman would ask him, "Goodell, why are you being a dick and not letting La'el Collins enter the Supplemental Draft?"
7:18: "Hey Roger, what did you learn from the Ray Rice situation?"
"I learned that you have to pay off any media companies so that the videos aren't released after we've seen them, I mean haven't seen them, because I didn't see the Ray Rice video. I still haven't!"
7:21: Enough of Goodell. I was more appalled by what ESPN and NFL Network aired in the 6 o'clock. ESPN had Lindsay Czarniak interviewing Floyd Mayweather, who looked like he wanted to punch her. The NFL Network, meanwhile, was looking at everyone's suits and shoes, as if anyone watching cared. Who does NFL Network think is watching the NFL Draft, 60-year-old women?
7:22: "Hey Roger, are we getting expanded playoffs?"
"No, we'd rather have 18 games in the regular season even though it's a safety risk for the players. I don't care about the players. I only care about money."
7:23: Guys in the Draft Day board are talking about Ereck Flowers. He reads this site, so he's obviously going to have a Hall of Fame career. That, or he's going to know how to make fun of fat women rather well.
7:26: My dad just called me. "Any news on Mariota? I heard the Eagles are sending a jet to get him!" he shouted at me. I haven't heard about this jet thing, but my dad apparently has info that even Adam Schefter is unaware of.
7:27: The Eagles and the Bears are making a late push. "The Titans don't want a part of Jay Cutler." No, really? The Titans don't want a quarterback who is basically a living vegetable?
7:28: It's ridiculous that the Bears think anyone wants Cutler. They might as well offer feces to the Titans. Seriously, the No. 7 pick and feces sounds better than the No. 7 pick and Cutler.
7:31: Truth about Shane Ray. I have him going No. 22 to the Steelers, while Randy Gregory is No. 27 to Dallas in my 2015 NFL Mock Draft.
7:34: Speaking of my final mock, I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out whom the 49ers would pick. I told this to my girlfriend, who knows nothing about football. She said, "Either Orlando Mowambo or Marcus DeAntony."
If either Orlando Mowambo or Marcus DeAnthony goes No. 15, I'm giving her full control of this site for an entire year.
7:35: "IT'S TIME TO MEET YOUR TOP NFL PROSPECTS, EXCEPT FOR THE REAL TOP PROSPECTS WHO AREN'T HERE!" 7:36: A real conversation I had with a good friend a couple of days ago:
Friend: So wait, neither Winston or Mariota are going to the draft?
Friend: Bizarre. If there were more decent QVs this year, I'm sure the NFL would make one of those two wake up next to a dead hooker."
7:39: What Charlie wrote on his NFL Draft Analysis page (from One Buc Place) is the truth:
"The NFL makes the draft a bigger production every year. Pretty soon they're going to have wrestling entry music."
7:43: More from my girlfriend. She heard that the Browns were trading up for a quarterback in passing. Here's what she said:
"Really, they're going to draft another quarterback!?"
"Wow, how pissed does what's-his-face feel? Stupid tool."
Even she knows how much Johnny Manziel sucks.
7:47: One more thing from my girlfriend. I had NFL Network on, and Mike Mayock was talking. He was saying the usual, "He can play man, he can play press, he can play off." She chimed in, "He can play upside down!"
7:48: Cool stuff sending Shelley Smith to Hawaii, but it's lunch time there? It's 7:48 p.m.! Those Hawaiians and their late lunches, man.
7:49: Mariota doesn't watch ESPN? Stock up. Good for him that he has avoided the horrible coverage of Floyd "Womanbeater" Mayweather this week.
7:50: Kidding about Hawaiian lunches, by the way! I swear!
7:52: I'm shocked Bob Holtzman didn't mention my dad's scoop about the Eagles' jet. Stock down Bob, for not reading this site.
7:54: Why does Mariota have random plants around his neck? Some herbal cleansing, perhaps?
7:55: Who the hell is this super-hot chick in the bikini in the DirecTV commercials? I can't concentrate on what I'm doing when she's on TV.
7:56: Limited commercial interruption? Thank God. If that DirecTV bikini chick showed up again, I may have posted a grade for Orlando Mowambo.
7:59: Oh, right. I was going to ask who the random black guy is before I got distracted... but then I remembered that Ray Lewis is in Baltimore, where he's mentoring people on how to get away with murder.
8:00: Ugh, typical ESPN production. A horrible song with a random voice-over. Why do we need a theme song for everything, ESPN? No wonder Mariota doesn't watch your stupid channel.
8:02: The 2016 NFL Draft is going to be here by the time this intro is over.
8:03: Remember that you can discuss the 2015 NFL Draft in the Draft Day section.
8:05: "Go Chi." Goodell is so awkward on stage. He should just own it.
8:06: "It's time to have some fun!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
8:07: I have the grade for the Buccaneers picking Jameis Winston in the NFL Draft Grades page. That's not a spoiler; I'm just assuming.
8:08: La Canfora said the Eagles have made a "substantial offer" to the Titans. Maybe they've thrown in the jet they're sending to Hawaii.
8:10: Pick is in! This better be Winston, or every single mock draft will be f***ed.
With the No. 1 pick, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Jameis Winston, QB
8:12: One pick correct! Woohoo!
8:15: They're really talking up Mariota, so he better be the pick. It would be a shame to see all the vegetables on Mariota's neck go to waste.
8:16: Seriously, if the Titans don't take Mariota and don't get a mega deal, everyone should just fire themselves.
8:18: The pick is in. So, the Titans aren't trading it, then? Hope you had the Mariota +150 prop.
With the No. 2 pick, the Titans select Marcus Mariota, QB
8:22: Roger Goodell, who is Marcus Marioto?
8:23: LOL at CSN's Geoff Mosher: "Domo arrigatto Marcus Marriotto."
8:25: Call me crazy, but I've never heard any pitcher referred to as a "Rembrandt."
With the No. 3 pick, the Jaguars select Dante Fowler, DE/OLB
8:29: Three for three in the mock! Let's keep it going with Leonard Williams!
8:30: By the way, big dap to Charlie Campbell for reporting this selection before anyone else. Our sources really came through with these selections.
8:33: Damn it, sounds like Cooper. I really wanted to start 4-for-4. That screws up the fifth pick. Bah!
With the No. 4 pick, the Raiders select Amari Cooper, WR
8:35: NOOOOOOOOO NOT COOPER AERRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
8:37: The Redskins almost have to pick Williams here. Damn it, if I were Shawn Zobel, I'd update my mock right now and flip the Nos. 4 and 5 picks.
With the No. 5 pick, the Redskins select Brandon Scherff, G
8:42: Umm... huh?
8:43: Stupid teams make stupid picks and ruin stupid mock drafts. Way to take a guard in the top five, derp dee derp dee doo.
8:44: This sucks that the draft's not in New York because the Jet fans won't boo. I feel like the Chicago fans need to carry the banner now and boo their selections no matter what.
8:45: One minute remaining. No doubt the Jets are fielding offers for Williams.
8:46: The Titans' GM just said he's not trading the pick, by the way. Sorry, Eagles fans. What's going to happen with the jet, I wonder?
With the No. 6 pick, the Jets select Leonard Williams, DE/DT
8:52: This draft is nuts already. And I'm falling behind. Slow down, teams! I have people to make fun of on here!
With the No. 7 pick, the Bears select Kevin White, WR
8:53: Happy I got a pick right. Sad that the Bears' fans aren't booing.
8:57: "I'm a great guy." - Kevin White. If you're a great guy, do you have to tell people you're a great guy?
8:59: I hope this is Beasley. Not Gurley. I'd like a fifth pick correct because it'll make me feel better about myself.
With the No. 8 pick, the Bears select Vic Beasley, DE/OLB
9:05: Ahhh so behind, but thrilled that Beasley was the pick. And lol at Mel Kiper looking salty that his second-rounder went No. 8. I can't believe he and the Sun Tan Man excluded Beasley from their first-round mock.
9:06: "No offensive linemen make sense for me here." - Mel Kiper. Weh?
With the No. 9 pick, the Giants select Ereck Flowers, OT
9:11: I have a great point I need to make- I - uhh... hot DirecTV chick on beach... wait, wuh?
9:12: No idea what I was going to say. Anyway, the Rams are kind of screwed because they really wanted Ereck Flowers and Brandon Scherff. Stupid Redskins screwing things up.
With the No. 10 pick, the Rams select Todd Gurley, RB
9:18: Poor Tre Mason. I liked him a lot. And lol at the Vikings blowing their horn and having Chicago fans boo.
9:19: Cool to see Gurley go in the top 10 after his torn ACL. I recall some commenters telling me no running backs were going to be drafted in the first round about a year ago. Gurley (and Melvin Gordon) were just too good.
9:20: Nooooooo not Waynes over Parker!!!
With the No. 11 pick, the Vikings select Trae Waynes, CB
9:25: I remember the good old days when there were 15 minutes in between each pick. It's tough to run this blog and grade every pick. Stupid Goodell.
9:26: How is making Ray Farmer inactive a penalty? I think it would help the Browns.
With the No. 12 pick, the Browns select Danny Shelton, NT
9:31: Is Mel Kiper serious about teams worrying about Shelton's 40 time? Is there a team that planned on having Shelton run 40 yards prior to see him run?
9:32: "The Browns made themselves better today!" - Jon Gruden. Which team doesn't improve during the draft? Even if they draft all crappy players, they're still adding depth, at the very least, so they're going to be better.
9:33: This has to be Alvin Dupree, but I get the feeling the Saints are going to pass on him.
With the No. 13 pick, the Saints select Andrus Peat, OT
9:39: Just realized there haven't been any trades yet. I blame the Titans and Eagles for distracting everyone from making other deals.
9:41: Uhh... Boomer... those lights don't look like Thomas Edison lightbulbs.
9:42: This almost has to be DeVante Parker. Ugh. I had Parker going to the Dolphins and the Vikings taking Waynes a few weeks ago.
With the No. 14 pick, the Dolphins select DeVante Parker, WR
9:47: Finally, a trade! I thought this might be Alvin Dupree, but Chris Berman is convinced that it's Melvin Gordon.
With the No. 15 pick, the Chargers select Melvin Gordon, RB
9:54: I don't get why the Chargers moved up for Gordon. The Texans were definitely not picking him.
9:55: Ugh, stupid ESPN logo. I thought the star in the Houston logo was the Dallas Cowboys logo, so I figured there was a trade.
With the No. 16 pick, the Texans select Kevin Johnson, CB
9:55: The Texans weren't going to pick Gordon because of this guy. He was their guy (except for Gurley).
9:59: Whenever I hear Trent Baalke's name, I feel like he should be paired with someone named Larry. That's a reference for old people like me.
With the No. 17 pick, the 49ers select Arik Armstead, DE/DT
10:00: I had Armstead to the 49ers at No. 15, so I'll count this as a correct pick.
With the No. 18 pick, the Chiefs select Marcus Peters, CB
10:07: People realize that Alvin Dupree is still available, right?
10:11: These commercials where they make fun of "stupid rich" people offends me. All stupid rich people aren't this stupid. It's an ugly stereotype that stupid rich people have lived with for years, and the hate just needs to stop. #StupidRichLivesMatter.
10:13: "Best sports day of the year?" A boring horse race and two old boxers fighting each other? Yawn. I'm not going to watch the fight, as I have no interest in supporting a woman-beater.
With the No. 19 pick, the Browns select Cameron Erving, C
10:14: Umm... Alex Mack?
10:19: I'm hoping for Byron Jones, but it looks like Nelson Agholor (I think). I had Agholor there for a while, so, blegh.
With the No. 20 pick, the Eagles select Nelson Agholor, WR
10:24: Blegh, finally got caught up. And now Cincinnati's pick is in. FML. I wish the draft wasn't as fast.
With the No. 21 pick, the Bengals select Cedric Ogbuehi, OT
With the No. 22 pick, the Steelers select Alvin Dupree, DE/OLB
10:36: Broncos trade! But Kate Upton's boobs. No wonder Justin Verlander sucks now.
With the No. 23 pick, the Broncos select Shane Ray, DE/OLB
10:41: Can we go to more commercials and show Kate Upton's boobs and hot DirecTV beach chick? I need time to catch up! But please give me Eric Kendricks!
With the No. 24 pick, the Broncos select D.J. Humphries, OT
10:48: Thank you, Thomas Davis, for slowing this down. Please talk for like 10 minutes.
10:49: I'm scared the Panthers are going to pick Shaq Thompson. I had him at No. 25, but moved him to Carolina's second-round pick.
With the No. 25 pick, the Panthers select Shaq Thompson, LB/S
10:54: God damn it. I had the Eagles taking Nelson Agholor and the Panthers picking Shaq Thompson a couple of weeks ago, but changed both selections because of my own stupidity. BERGUREGRWIO ERIO GEORIG ERIOG IORE
With the No. 26 pick, the Ravens select Breshad Perriman, WR
10:55: AND I HAD PERRIMAN GOING TO THE RAVENS LAST WEEK AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
10:57: Jesus, who is this DirecTV woman? And who do I have to pay to play the horse in the next set of commercials?
11:00: Love how they keep cutting off Kiper.
With the No. 27 pick, the Cowboys select Byron Jones, CB, Connecticut
With the No. 28 pick, the Lions select Laken Tomlinson, G, Duke
11:12: Awesome by Laken Tomlinson. A breath of fresh air after all of these arrests.
11:13: Another receiver!?!?
With the No. 29 pick, the Colts select Phillip Dorsett, WR, Miami
11:16: Why is this Vikings lady still talking about her stupid family? Shut up already!
11:17: Can you tell I'm annoyed that A) I just missed out on an epic mock draft, and B) the horse gets to hang out with the DirecTV chick?
With the No. 30 pick, the Packers select Damarious Randall, S, Arizona State
11:18: With the 30th, with the 30th pick, with the 30th pick.
11:23: I seriously have no idea what that horse says in those commercials.
With the No. 31 pick, the Saints select Stephone Anthony, ILB, Clemson
11:28: Just got this text from Awesome Kelly in Arizona. For context, she's an Arizona State and Chicago Bears fan, so she's not happy about the Randall pick:
I AM SO F***ING MAD FRIGHT NOW! F*** INDIANAPOLIS FOREVER! (Not cuz I'm gay)
11:32: Ah, so easy to connect the dots, eh Boom?
11:33: And the good players just fall to the good teams...
With the No. 32 pick, the Patriots select Malcom Brown, DT, Texas
11:34: EIGHTH CHILD FOR PHILIP RIVERS!? He must be losing his mind.
11:39: I'm going to take a few minutes to look at how many picks each NFL Draft analyst had correct in their mocks, just solely out of interest. I know that I had eight, Charlie scored nine, while Mike Mayock posted seven...
11:41: Mel Kiper... 7.
11:43: The Sun Tan Man... 10. Guess Sergio from the tanning salon came through as a source.
11:45: Matt Miller... 5. And I nearly had a seizure looking at all of the colors in the ugly layout.
11:48: Evan Silva... 6, though worth noting that he had the Eagles picking Marcus Mariota.
11:50: Josh Norris... 6. He whiffed on the Titans picking Mariota and had some confusing picks, like Donovan Smith and Grady Jarrett in the first round. They might go in the third frame.
11:52: Peter King... 5.
11:54: And last but not least, Pro Football Talk... 4. But hey, at least they didn't have Dri Archer in their first round this year.
11:56: Thanks for bearing with me and participating in the live chat on the Draft Day page. Stay tuned tonight/tomorrow morning for my Round 2 and 3 Re-mock (as well as Charlie's). My NFL Draft Grades will continue all day tomorrow and Saturday.