32. Miami Dolphins (0-11) - You know that saying? If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Well, here's a new one for you. If Ricky Williams fumbles the ball, and he's too high to realize it, did he really fumble the ball?
31. San Francisco 49ers (3-8) - So this is why the 49ers haven't been able to score for weeks... They were saving up all of their energy for the Arizona Cardinals. Makes sense. Well, not really. I'm actually convinced though that the Jets, Dolphins and Bills paid off Arizona to lose on purpose, just so the Patriots wouldn't have the ability to draft Darren McFadden.
30. Atlanta Falcons (3-8) - I guess Falcons fans don't have to worry about Byron Leftwich replacing Joey Harrington this week. After all, they're coming off a loss; not a win.
29. Oakland Raiders (3-8) - Letters From Dominic (I ran a segment last year composing fake letters from Edgerrin James to Peyton Manning. This year, I'm doing the same thing for Dominic Rhodes): "Dear Peyton. You may be surprised by my correct grammar and spelling. I recently purchased an English guide for $500. Curiously, it was just a slip of paper that read, "Tune in to ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown and pay attention to Emmitt Smith. Say the opposite of what he says, and you'll be speaking perfect English in less than 24 hours!" It worked, Peyton! So... I'm working on a business proposal for you. I'll give it to you next week. For now, can I have your autograph? Your friend, Dominic!"
28. St. Louis Rams (2-9) - I never polled about 1,000 people in St. Louis, asking why they thought the Rams were so cursed with injuries this year. Here aren't the results: 44% - Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson and Orlando Pace were with me when I desecrated an Indian burial ground. 33% - The players have been taking Scott Linehan's sanity medication instead of vitamins. 23% - The team could play hurt, but they don't live in a city where you can get "pain medication" for free. Not having Ricky Williams as a teammate hurts too.
27. New York Jets (2-9) - Maybe Brian Schottenheimer was the one who turned Bill Belichick in. He must have been too preoccupied with Belichick's movie collection to devise a valid gameplan for the Cowboys. Check out some crazy stats in my Thanksgiving Wrap-Up to check a crazy stat detailing his ineptness.
26. Carolina Panthers (4-7) - If Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser and Ron Jaworski can have the likes of Jimmy Kimmel and Drew Carey in the booth, why can't I have a celebrity guest on my Power Rankings page? I had Keyshawn Johnson, Emmitt Smith, Channing Crowder, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Brian Billick thus far. OK... I'm here with David Carr! David, I know you're coming off a loss to New Orleans. What do you need to work on to get into the win column? "Huh!? Who's there!?" Ummm... no one... I'm just interviewing you right now for my site. "Ahhh! Help me! They're coming!" Who's coming? "The guys on the other team! Ahhh!!! They're going to kill me! Please help me!" Dude, you're not even playing football right now. "Please don't hurt me! Noooo!!!!"
25. Kansas City Chiefs (4-7) - It wouldn't have been a great NFL season without a Herman Edwards fourth-quarter gaff. I was so relieved to see him eschew a 41-yard field goal to go for it on fourth down with a few minutes remaining in regulation.
24. Baltimore Ravens (4-7) - I'm not really sure why Brian Billick is sticking with Kyle Boller and not giving Troy Smith a shot. Well, why don't we do some oddities on why Billick continues to play Boller: 1:10,000 - Boller has incriminating photos of Billick (that's to obvious.) 2:1 - Boller can throw 60 yards from his knees, so he has to be good! 4:1 - Billick's magic mirror on the wall, the one that tells him he is fairest and smartest of them all, advises him to. 8:1 - Boller and Billick are actually married, and the latter's life will be hell if he doesn't play Boller. No dinner or nighttime fun can motivate any man!
23. Minnesota Vikings (5-6) - It's amazing that the Vikings are 5-6. I refuse to believe it. If they somehow make the playoffs, I'm going to gather all my belongings and investments, and bet them all on the opposing money line. Think the Detroit Lions with Barry Sanders. Like the Vikings, they only had one good offensive player, and consequently was blasted every postseason.
The Rest: 11. Philadelphia Eagles (5-6). 12. Washington Redskins (5-6). 13. San Diego Chargers (6-5). 14. Denver Broncos (5-6). 15. Tennessee Titans (6-5). 16. Houston Texans (5-6). 17. Arizona Cardinals (5-6). 18. Buffalo Bills (5-6). 19. New Orleans Saints (5-6). 20. Detroit Lions (6-5). 21. Chicago Bears (5-6). 22. Cincinnati Bengals (4-7).