Philip Rivers: 21-of-42, 211 yards. 2 INTs, 1 fumble.
Trent Green: 14-of-25, 158 yards. 1 TD, 2 INTs.
Marc Bulger: 11-of-24, 114 yards. 1 INT.
Ted Ginn: 0 catches.
Run Defenses: Rush yards per carry allowed to running backs: (Last game/Season)
New England Patriots (4-0) - In case you missed it at the end of the Monday night broadcast, the Patriots are the first team to win its first four games by 20 or more points since the 1920 Buffalo All-Americans. And that Buffalo squad was allowed to play non-league squads, meaning they probably beat up on some pimply faced teenagers.
Indianapolis Colts (4-0) - You know those Pep Talk commercials Peyton Manning does? He should do one for Mike Shanahan: "Hey, Mike. You're a great coach. But I own you. I am your daddy. You will never beat me. The only chance you have of going to the Super Bowl is if I get injured. It's that simple. But keep up the good work!"
Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) - Think Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm wanted to beat the Steelers? My future brother-in-law, Brad, actually called me the day after Pittsburgh's loss to recommend that I look at coaches going against their former team. A great idea - the same principle worked in Super Bowl XXXVII when Jon Gruden beat his old Raiders. Brad then mentioned Norv Turner going against the Raiders. I dismissed that immediately; Norv couldn't out-coach Tina Turner at this stage of his career.
Dallas Cowboys (4-0) - Why is everyone talking about Tony Romo's contract situation? I want to know what's going on with Carrie Underwood. Are Romo and Carrie still together? I haven't seen her at any games... I'm concerned - those kids looked like they were going to make it.
Green Bay Packers (4-0) - I'm not clear on what matters to Brett Favre. Maybe someone can help me out. Does he care more about setting records or winning football games?
Tennessee Titans (2-1) - Did anyone see Vince Young's interview with 60 Minutes? He was so cocky he said things like "I'm amazing;" "I'm
the best quarterback there is;" and "I am the overlord of football knowledge." Oh wait... that's Cris Collinsworth. My bad.
Seattle Seahawks (3-1) - I refuse to say anything about the Seahawks and 49ers this week. I'm still feeling the Pick of the Month loss. I can handle getting a selection wrong because I read the game incorrectly; but losing because the team's starting quarterback gets hurt 50 seconds into the contest is too excruciating.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) - Speaking of bad beats, David Carr sucked all afternoon against the Buccaneers, but decided to throw an inexplicable touchdown on a 3rd-and-20 with 23 seconds remaining in the contest. I lost my second-half bet on Tampa Bay +3 because of that score. Keep in mind Tampa Bay was on Carolina's 1-yard line earlier and couldn't get a single point. Quite frankly, I'm surprised I haven't jumped off a bridge yet.
Cincinnati Bengals (1-3) - A 1-3 squad in the Top 10? Sure... the Bengals lost to the Patriots by 21, becoming the team to come closest to knocking off New England - as mind-boggling as that sounds.
Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) - Ugh. Jaguars? In my Top 10? What is the world coming to? I guess in a league where 14-2 coaches get fired, and players who run over cops become role models, anything can happen.
32. Miami Dolphins (0-4) - The Randy Mueller Quote of the Week: "Good golly gee, wow, we have zero wins and four losses, but let me tell you, our team is playing so great right now. I can't say enough about Trent Green. Gee whiz, what a warrior. Joey Porter is also a special quarterback. What a great talent he has been. We came oh oh oh oh oh so close to knocking off those jolly wolly Raiders of Los Angeles, hoo boy, I can't wait for our next game against the Texans. Gee whiz, are they a good club, or what? Wow."
31. St. Louis Rams (0-4) - Marc Bulger has broken ribs, Orland Pace is out for the year and Steven Jackson is killing fantasy teams. Other than that, the Rams are having a good year.
30. Minnesota Vikings (1-3) - Troy Williamson. Bobby Wade. Jeff Dugan. Other than Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor, these are the weapons the Vikings have on offense. No wonder they're on pace to go 4-12.
29. Atlanta Falcons (1-3) - The Joey Harrington Theorem returns! Check out my Week 5 picks by Wednesday night for details.
28. Carolina Panthers (2-2) - I love when people say they can't figure out the Panthers. It's simple. They win when they're underdogs. They lose when they're favored. Trust me.
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-2) - Can we change NFL rules to state that any victory over Norv Turner by less than five touchdowns doesn't count? I mean, beating a coach who blatantly refuses to utilize his best player by less than 35 points is nothing to be proud of.
26. Buffalo Bills (1-3) - Oddities on any possible reason why the Bills would bench Trent Edwards in favor of J.P. "Girly-Voice Man" Losman: 1:50 - Injury. 3:1 - Losman woos Dick Jauron with his girly-man voice.
25. Oakland Raiders (2-2) - Wasn't it a few weeks ago that everyone was saying the Raiders couldn't win any games? Now they're beating teams on the road? How much do the Dolphins suck? And how crappy do they feel that they let Daunte Culpepper go in favor of 83-year-old Trent Green?
24. New Orleans Saints (0-3) - The Saints, Chargers, Bears and Eagles are a combined 3-12. The Lions, Raiders, Cardinals and Browns are 9-7. My head's about to explode.
23. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) - About 1,000 people weren't polled in Philadelphia, asking why Andy Reid refused to give left tackle Winston Justice help with blocking Osi Umenyiora. 1% - Reid was too engrossed in his restaurant menu he calls a playchart, deciding what to order for his eighth dinner. .05% - Reid was angry that Justice stole the lobster he had stashed in his fridge. 98.5% - Who cares!? The Phillies are going to the playoffs!
The Rest: 11. New York Giants. 12. Washington Redskins. 13. New York Jets. 14. San Diego Chargers. 15. Denver Broncos. 16. Detroit Lions. 17. Chicago Bears. 18. Houston Texans. 19. Cleveland Browns. 20. Baltimore Ravens. 21. San Francisco 49ers. 22. Arizona Cardinals.