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Marky Mark's Post-Combine Draft
Published at 3/5/2014 7:27:09 PM

After many hours of watching NFL Network and House of Cards, I'm ready to give insight into the 2014 Draft. Please comment!

1156 Page Views | 1 Comments
Overall Grade: B-
Rate Me My Grade: n/a

Total Grades: 7
Average Grade: B-
Millen  Bill

Round 1

1. Texans: Jadeveon Clowney, Defensive End, South Carolina

"That's how you devour a whale, Doug, one bite at a time"


And so the NFL Draft starts off just like it did in 2006, except this time we have a black president. While I previously had Teddy B listed here, I no longer feel like the new regime of the Texans will reach for a QB this early. While it is obviously an area of need, they can most likely find a suitable QB in the 2nd or 3rd round(Zach Mettenberger?)
. Bill O'Brien is a quarterback whisperer, but Teddy and Johnny just metaphorically got pushed into a subway. You don't pass up talent like Clowney, regardless of need.


2. Browns: Teddy Bridgewater, Quarterback, Louisville

"Competence is such an exotic bird in these woods that I appreciate it whenever I see it."


The Browns, perhaps in an attempt to promote "Draft Day", deciede to make a bold decision that actually seems like it comes from a competent front office. Reports of the Browns liking Carr over Manziel prove how fortunate they are. If Teddy continues to bulk up he will no longer look like a starving African.


TRADE!

3. Jaguars: Blake Bortles, Quarterback, UCF

"It only takes ten seconds to crush a man's ambitions."


Blaine Gabbert managed to crush an entire fanbase's in even less time. Jacksonville will hopefully learn from their mistakes and let their new stud sit for a few years. Blainey boy is damaged goods, but in the right hands Bortles can evolve into a great quarterback.


4. Rams: Sammy Watkins, Wide Receiver, Clemson

"Treading water is the same as drowning for people like you and me."


The Rams benefit from the Texan's pick and again gain extra first round picks. Watkins is the perfect pick here as a great compliment to the young Tavon Austin. Having a future 1st rounder of the Browns is also a great idea. While I believe that Sam Bradford is terrible, he will be helped by all the talent he is surrounded by.

TRADE!

5. Raiders: Jake Matthews, Offensive Tackle, Texas A&M

"I've always loathed the necessity of sleep. Like death, it puts even the most powerful men on their backs."


The LA Raiders offensive line also put many men on their backs, sadly it was their own quarterback the majority of the time. While Manziel is a sexy pick here, Al Davis is as dead as someone who got bashed in the head with a rock.




6. Falcons: Khalil Mack, Outside Linebacker, Buffalo

"There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain. The sort of pain that's only suffering. I have no patience for useless things."


Last season was painful for the Falcons, but the addition of Mack Daddy to their defense could make it all worthwhile. I expect the Falcons to accomplish great things this year. I hear Michael Vick is a free agent.


7. Buccaneers: Anthony Barr, Outside Linebacker, UCLA

"The road to power is paved with hypocrisy. And casualties."


The Buccaneers face many challenges in their post-Schiano lives, but Barr possess the raw talent that can help right their ship.


8. Vikings: Johnny Manziel, Quarterback, Texas A&M

“Insecurity bores me.”


Christian Ponder was a terrible draft selection, but the Vikings now have a chance to draft a Man(ziel) who walks the walk, and talks the talk. Manziel has confidence in spades, while Ponder can't look girls in the eye.


9. Bills: Mike Evans, Wide Receiver, Texas A&M

"I pray to myself . . . for myself."


Bills fans obviously don't believe in God or think he's a dick for everything he's done to them. Mike Evans could really help EJ Manuel disguise the fact that he was picked 3 rounds too early last year.


10. Lions: Justin Gilbert, Cornerback, Oklahoma State

""From this moment on you are a rock. You absorb nothing, you say nothing, and nothing breaks you."


The Lions are in a desperate need of a rock of their defense. Since Dwayne Johnson is far removed from his Hurricane days, Gilbert will have to do.



11. Titans: Eric Ebron, Tight End, North Carolina

"Power is a lot like real estate. It’s all about location, location, location. The closer you are to the source the higher your property value."


Nothing screams power like a tight end. The White Kyle Brady is here to stay.


12. Giants: Taylor Lewan, Offensive Tackle, Michigan

"Taylor Lewan is a fucking bitch, and I hate him and think he sucks dick."


No comment.


13. Rams: Darqueze Dennard, Cornerback, Michigan State

"What a martyr craves more than anything is a sword to fall on, so you sharpen the blade, hold it at just the right angle, and then 3-2-1…"


Bye bye Cortland Finnegan. Hello Double D. Rams get the best CB available at a fraction of Finnegan's price.


14. Bears: Louis Nix, Nose Tackle, Notre Dame

“Friends make the worst enemies.”


The Chicago Bears used to rely on their defense, but now they constantly get screwed over by them. Old St Nix will fix this.


15. Steelers: Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, Free Safety, Alabama

“I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood.”


I love Troy Polamalu, but the man is old and they need to find someone else who can play with him. Ryan Clark is done for.


16. Cowboys: Calvin Pryor, Free Safety, Louisville

“Money is the Mc-mansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn’t see the difference.”


Romo aint worth $100 million, I wonder if Quincy Carter is busy.


1-16 17-32

Comments - Viewing Page 1




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deuce4off says:
12 Posts (0)
Don't you understand that Greg Robinson is one of the best LT prospects in a long time?  He isn't falling past 6, let alone all the way to 17... Wow
 
146 days 9 hours ago
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